Day 90

The Army tasks soldiers in many different ways to ensure the accomplishment of the mission. Things we have to do include shooting, exercising, driving, knowledge of our individual jobs, typing, and over and over again we take tests. Tests, tests, tests, tests, tests. It seems as though testing is a never ending process. Well, today I got voluntold to be the proctor of a mandatory test every soldier must take, the pee test. Oh, many people stay up hours and hours studying for the test. The rigors of the testing procedure leave many people strained. What, may you ask, is involved with the duties of being a proctor for the test? Why, I get to watch men pee in a little plastic cup to ensure that it is in fact their urine in the bottle and not some substitute. There are many different terms for the test, but the one I like the best is "Operation Golden Flow". Also, there are many different titles given to me by those I have to watch, and the one I have adopted as my unofficial title is "Meat Gazer". This morning at oh-dark-thirty, with the temperature hovering somewhere around the freezing mark, I entered the testing facility to perform my duties. Now, this is Iraq, and there is no indoor plumbing in any building, so we had to walk to a latrine trailer adjacent to the building. There's only one trailer but one with 10 stalls, so the men-folk used a stall on the left end of the trailer while the women-folk used stalls on the right end of the trailer. One of the rules is that I have to keep an eye on the bottle at all times to ensure nothing enters the bottle that should't already be there. Almost everybody passed with flying colors. In fact, there was one soldier who was in such a hurry to take the test we ran to the trailer. (A first for me; not running, but running after a pee-er). I have yet to figure out which is more humilitating; being the watcher or being the watched. A puzzle for the ages.